On the 6th floor of Butler, not too far to the East or too far to the West, there’s a study room more special than all of the rest. 601, or Little Main, is long and bright. From the windows that line the Northern wall, one can see all of campus: from the sunset above Low to the torrential rain for the 7th weekend in a row.
Forgive me, but I fear I have been superficial. I entreat you, please, to allow me to contemplate your core. In addition to 601’s visual endowments, you are the heart of this university’s sceniest, sweatiest personage. Spin to win, like a prize wheel, a visit inside your illustrious walls will reveal a meeting with at least one of a rotating cast of BNOCs. Sporting an Oren’s matcha or dining hall black coffee, these campus characters are Columbia’s most pretentious force to be reckoned with: academic weapons and library socialites. They make your hallowed halls a home, working through a stack of books taller than a small child—yet seemingly never making progress. These A-listers study with the vigor and vim that Kim Kardashian eats a salad at Urth Cafe, never forgetting their presence in the panopticon of observation.
If you have any doubt of your virtue, compare yourself to the other rooms in Butler’s dwellings. 303 and 401 are silent, 209 is a zoo. Like an Aristotelian virtue, your tenderness lies in your residency at the mean of loud and silent. All members of your inner chamber are free to be gregarious. A greeting to a distant friend, a heated debate, or a question for a crush, no conversation is off limits. Yet, a mutual alliance ensures the room will soon return to silence. 601ers appreciate their breaks and love their study. Some have said, my love, you are the epitome of what this university can achieve.
My dear, in your great humility, do you overlook your lengthy list of suitors? Few Butler rooms can boast such consistency in circulation. The more you go, the more one becomes entrapped in your gaze. Three days away from this dynamic place, I find myself in withdrawal. Yet, every time, upon return, how happy am I to be reunited with my 601.
Sapere aude,
Your most loyal guest
