I had been rooting against Jimmy Kimmel for years. Especially during the award show years. The Oscars were ruined back to back years by the most exhaustingly accessible comedian on the face of the planet.
I started sending hate mail to ABC after the second Academy Awards. “NOT FUNNY,” The messages wrote. “Worst talk show host in HISTORY,” I scrawled over his subway ads, adding in some devil horns for good measure. “You’ll never be Conan,” I said to him via an unaccepted DM.
I thought my resentment towards him would shackle me for the rest of my life, as Jimmy Kimmel Live continued to get renewed season after season. That was, until, Wednesday afternoon, when I was vindicated with an Apple News notification: “ABC indefinitely suspends Jimmy Kimmel Live.” I dropped to my knees. Best day ever! I kept reading.
What the fuck?
My heart shattered to learn that Kimmel was not cancelled for being pedestrian and boring, but that he was, in fact, another trampled obstacle in our country’s slow march towards collapse. That sucked for me, personally. Besides being a part time Kimmel hater, I also moonlight as a democracy advocate. I listen to Rousseau audiobooks to fall asleep. The theme for my birthday party last year was “Robert Alan Dahl.” I go to sleep every night in my oversized “Democracy Dies in Darkness” shirt. This blatant act of government censorship is sincerely indefensible, and it goes against the core beliefs of myself and my country.
But now, as a principled individual, am I going to be forced to…defend Jimmy Kimmel? Must I take the stance that Jimmy Kimmel should be on television? Will I have to choke back vomit while posting that Jimmy Kimmel—the man from “The Man Show”—represents our nation’s right to freedom of expression? I don’t know where we go from here. I thought victory would be sweeter. But now, I find myself bracing for the next federal violation of free speech and media, and, just as hauntingly, whatever fuckass podcast Kimmel’s cooking up.
