WASHINGTON, DC — President Trump appeared to walk back his comments from last week, affirming his commitment to the continuance of Cinco de Mayo celebrations in the United States amidst tariff negotiations with Mexico. After changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America earlier this year, news outlets had been speculating that the President might continue his assault on the Latin American country with similar executive orders. The President leaned into these rumors last week, floating potential threats such as changing the name of “Cinco de Mayo” to “May 5th.”
Insider sources reported that soon after these comments, President Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo of Mexico called an emergency meeting with Trump, resulting in the two meeting over Zoom just hours later. As National Security Advisor Mike Walsh forgot to encrypt the meeting code, add a password, or even create a waiting room, The Fed obtained exclusive audio of the two leaders in conversation. The first few minutes of the Zoom consisted of confused questioning by Trump for Sheinbaum as to why her Zoom video wasn’t “yellow like in the movies.” This was followed by a brief discussion of the repeated breakouts of E. Coli in lettuce at Chipotle, which Sheinbaum asserted had absolutely “nothing to do with Mexico or its people.” President Sheinbaum shut down ideas from President Trump, such as renaming margaritas to “Melania-ritas,” or changing the base of the well-known Mexican cocktail to whiskey to reduce America’s reliance on imported tequila.
Shortly after the pair’s meeting, President Trump appeared in front of reporters in a press briefing to walk back his previous statements. “I have no issues with Cinco de Mayo, despite what the liberal media says,” he said. “It is a well-known fact that I’ve done more for the country of Mexico than any other president in the history of the United States. I love Mexico. I love their salsa, I eat it all the time, I even eat the ones with two chili pepper symbols next to them…maybe three if I’m feeling a little loco. Mexico loves me too. They love me, almost as much as they loved James Polk.” The President affirmed that nationwide celebrations of Cinco de Mayo would continue as planned. “This will be the greatest Cinco de Mayo —the most American Cinco de Mayo— in history.”
