President Trump signed an executive order earlier this month which proclaimed the water pressure of shower heads to be “too damn soft,” something which he demands must change. While we at The Fed had no idea that the Constitution gives the president the power to change random-ass everyday stuff like this, we figured we’d compile a list of ten similar executive orders we’d like to see implemented by the president.
- Toasters must toast both sides of the bread equally
- The traffic light timer at 110th and Broadway must be shortened
- Budget-friendly blenders must not need to be manually shaken to keep blending
- Shoelaces must not come untied once tied (this is especially important)
- Microwaves must heat food to a consistent temperature all the way through
- Clothes dryers must clean the lint filter themselves
- Both sides of the pillow must be kept at a comfortable sleeping temperature
- Tying a tie must never result in it being too short and needing to be re-tied
- Bluetooth speakers must instantly disconnect from past devices when trying to connect a new device
- Doorknobs must not give static electric shocks
