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A List of Reasons Why the Columbia Federalist and the FEDERAL RESERVE are NOT THE SAME

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It seems to (still) be unclear to many that the Federal Reserve, in fact, does not have an undergraduate club at Columbia University. The Columbia Federalist has made a statement on this in the past — please read Editorial: We Are Not the Federal Reserve by Max Monical. Yet, somehow, I, Dani, co-managing editor of the (Columbia) Fed, in my half-pink hair and plaid tube top, was asked if I was a part of the FEDERAL RESERVE when recruiting people for the (Columbia) Fed. 

Since Max’s article wasn’t enough, here is some reasons why the (Columbia) Fed is not the (Reserve) Fed: 

  1. We do not work for the government
    1. Looks can be deceiving. Sure, Columbia’s campus can look like a boring government building in Washington, DC. BUT WE ARE NOT THE FEDERAL RESERVE.
  2. We don’t know much about money
    1. We don’t even have a treasurer on e-board! How the fuck could we be a bank?
  3. We are young and don’t have gray hair and also don’t wear suits
    1. Self explanatory. 
  4. WE ARE FUNNY
    1. Imagine the FEDERAL RESERVE photoshopping Deantini and Prezbo on the cover of a newspaper. Imagine the FEDERAL FUCKING RESERVE spelling BOOB out on a lawn with their own bodies. You can’t. Because they aren’t us.