Banned Band Absolved of Ban Needs to be Banned Again

Band, this one can’t be bandaged: there’s been a bunch of banter recently ‘bout your banditry and abuse. It’s got me thinking, should the once-banned band be banned yet again and banished from all the land? Such a morally bankrupt blight such as this, band, shan’t be allowed to stand. Put down your bassoons, bagpipes, and banjos and stop hiding under the guise of buffoonery in your bullying of Butler. It seems that so many of you have jumped on the bandwagon of bigotted, belligerent, and backwards behavior, one must wonder what other bilious bullshit you have spurred.

This recent barrage of accusations—this bewildering beef, if you will—has shed a light on your barbaric brand. It was a moment of rejoice for many when Bollinger bailed you out before homecoming last fall, but now your future’s bleak; don’t bank on him saving your band once more. Until this blasphemy is barred completely, there should be a boycott of your brash band.


B. Gon