How to Impress Your Professors Over Zoom

After the hopes and dreams of students new and returning were crushed yet again last week, more angsty freshmen than ever will be having stress dreams about how they’re going to impress their professors. Look no further, then, as we outline for you the five best ways to impress your professors over Zoom.

  1. Utilize those office hours! Now that you have the ability to connect with your professors virtually, ALL hours are office hours! Spam their inbox, messages, etc., to show how passionate you are about your education.

  2. Make sure your professor knows you’re listening! Do this by making intense eye contact with your webcam, as well as sending positive affirmations in the chat every 5 minutes or so. Some examples of positive affirmations to use: “Nicely spoken, Professor ___ (make sure to use their full name every time to show extra dedication);” “I am intrigued by this subject, I am looking forward to learning more in the remaining class time;” etc… Be creative!

  3. “Accidentally” share your SAT score during Fro Sci. “How many quarters fit on an envelope?” your FroSci professor asks. “Approximately 40,” you reply, “which, funnily enough, is the square root of 1600, what I got on my SAT.” Dropping it casually like this ensures that you can answer correctly and not be too obvious about your standardized testing prowess

  4. Biting your lip continuously for three minutes straight. The science is there folks: biting your lip for extended periods of time actually restricts blood flow to your lips and sends it directly to your brain, increasing your brain power by a whopping three percent, just enough to have that edge on your classmates (or at least to keep up with them). Show your professor just how smart you are by doing this. WARNING: Looking extremely sexy is a common side effect, use with caution. 

  5. Make a pic of them your virtual background. What better way of getting an egotistical professor’s attention than by virtually plastering their face directly behind you every class? Really want to show them how devoted you are to them and their work? Find their wedding photos and crop your face onto their spouse! The older the wedding photos, the better this method will work.

By Matt Nola, Nikhil Mehta, Anique Edwards, Anjali Ramakrishnan, Anna Kasun, Anna Hall, Anushka Thorat, Ben Stettin, Ciro Salcedo, Claire Ponnaiya, Isabella Fenn