JK Rowling: “Everyone in the Harry Potter Series is Actually Transgender”

The truth behind the beloved erotic fiction series that took the world by storm has finally come out. JK Rowling announced on Twitter that all characters in the Harry Potter series are, in fact, transgender individuals, including Neville Longbottom’s infamous toad Trevor. The author said she was as shocked as her readers to learn this news, but was happy to accept her characters for who they are.

Rowling explained the plot of the story throughout the seven novels was really just the journey of three trans friends trying to find their identity in a world of older trans people: “The magic was just a mechanism for coping with entrenched discrimination.”

“Dumbledore helped the young wizards blossom and find the true magic in their gender identity,” Rowling added. In the years following the conclusion of the series, Hogwarts became a safe haven for the transgender community, especially for those half-blood students in the midst of transitioning.” Rowling has also made known that the school recently changed its housing process, doing away with the sorting hat so students feel comfortable choosing their own identity.

In response to public outcry against the revelation, Rowling took to Twitter, ranting: “Name one time you saw a character’s original genitalia. That’s right, you didn’t. So you just assumed their genders? Nice one, asshole.”

As of press time, Gryffindor has expressed intersectional solidarity with Students for Justice in Palestine.