Students Return Refreshed and Ready to Commit to a Semester of Heavy Drinking


MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS – After a grueling spring term, students are returning to campus revitalized and ready to subject their bodies to a semester of heavy drinking. Columbians reported feeling “burned out” and “stretched too thin” in May, but a summer to relax and recover has left them ready to buckle down this upcoming school year.

“We shouldn’t lose sight of what we’re really here for,” said Tom Sorkin CC ‘19. While mixing a beer into his jungle juice he added, “I think this year I need to focus on expanding my horizons and trying new things.”