Autumn has arrived in Morningside Heights, and around the Low Library steps that means one thing: The statue of Alma Mater is furiously demanding a sacrifice worthy of her greatness. Yep, Fall…
PSA TO CURRENT COLUMBIA STUDENTS: As tensions on campus heighten and the administration furthers their crackdown on student groups, guests on campus, and security protocols, it’s essential that you, as a student,…
Columbia Dining recently announced that, effective immediately, any student who purchases a meal at Ferris Booth Commons must also enroll in a weekly discussion section. “We recognize that content is understood more…
It was a Wednesday. I had just absolutely bombed a Calc midterm, and I was once more considering dropping out and joining the Navy. My spirits were low. “No matter,” I thought.…
A staggering new study has confirmed a long-standing concern in the Columbia community—one of these dorky little assholes is, indeed, the next Barack Obama. Columbia’s proud history of accomplished and influential alumni…
Look out, Columbia! We have a certified LGBTQ ally in our midst. Local straight man N. Tewgerls went straight up to the Queer Alliance club fair table, and, noticing they had pens…
A scandal rocked the ninth floor of Wallach Hall this week, as a group of 5 first year students got caught sneaking into the dorm showers to compare their ACT scores. “Their…
In an effort to distance herself from the unpopularly harsh actions taken by the previous president, Interim President Katrina Armstrong has formally offered to score booze for underclassmen if they don’t have…
A new craze is sweeping America’s campuses, concerning both parents and upperclassmen alike: apparently these freshmen never learned how to fucking walk. The phenomenon has been something of a spectacle on Columbia’s…
