The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command. 

— George Orwell, 1984

So this is our tri-level fitness center! It’s not usually this crowded, so we’re just going to take a quick peek on the first floor. As you can see, we have plenty of high-quality, well-maintained weight machines. Let’s go ahead and go downstairs. 

Smell? No, I don’t smell anything! Haha. This side is mostly squat racks and dumbbells. Students here really appreciate having such an expansive set-up. And these close quarters allow us all to really get to know each other. Do me a quick favor and limbo under this guy doing tricep extensions, then we’ll head on down to the bottom floor. 

So, this bottom floor is really popular. We’re so lucky to have a space with zero air circulation, which really takes your aerobic training to the next level. Now it would be physically impossible to fit even one more person in this space, so let’s head on out to the Blue Gym. 

This gym is home to a lot of intramurals, PE classes, and club sports, and it doesn’t usually look like a badminton factory exploded. If you want, you can play basketball down here! By stepping on the court you will be automatically entered into the 40 person pick-up game that occurs every open recreation period. 

Awesome! Now follow me to the Uris Pool, which is always open and has never been pissed in! Yay!