Columbia and Barnard students who began Course Registration for the Fall 2026 semester were surprised to see a new filter, “Don’t Even Fucking Try,” added to the Vergil Course search. While this versatile interface has long had the ability to filter for a variety of specificities such as Barnard Modes of Thinking, course instructors, class types, and more, students are frequently disappointed by the lack of transparency around the waitlist and major credits process, which has resulted in a seemingly chronic inability to get into any of their desired classes.
The Deputy of the University Registrar, Fuckout Myinbox, released a statement this morning regarding the brand new feature. “Students have been complaining about a lack of administrative transparency forever, well here you go! Full transparency! You are not getting tickets to that show!” A rising Columbia senior told a reporter at The Fed, “When I filtered for ‘Don’t even fucking try’ I found every class required for my major. At this rate I don’t know if I can graduate.” Similarly, a Barnard freshman complained, “I tried registering for a seminar I was super interested in but the only prerequisite was ‘The class you didn’t take or equivalent.’”
The Registrar has hinted at a whole new series of filters for future registration periods such as “definitely should, but won’t, fulfill the requirement you need,” and “Won’t be offered for another five years but you specifically cannot take it this semester.” The Fed and students alike eagerly await these new updates.
