MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — In a triumphant display of engineering ethics, a new poll conducted at SEAS has shown that 0% of students who have interned at defense contractors even considered that they might have been contributing to a weapons program.
Fascinated with these unprecedented results, The Federalist decided to investigate, speaking with multiple students who indicated lack of involvement with weaponry on the poll.
One student, a junior at SEAS, told us about the work they did interning at Lockheed Martin for the past two summers.“Oh, I was on the guidance team,” they told us, eyes lighting up. “Basically getting the thing to go exactly where it needs to go. It’s actually a really elegant problem.”
“It’s the missiles that kill people,” another student told us, unprompted, before saying hello. “I just write the software,” they added defensively, before we could ask a follow-up question. “Whatever the payload is has nothing to do with me. It’s not always bombs, you know. It could be, like, candy or something.”
Oddly, despite 100% of their interns indicating no involvement with weaponry, Lockheed Martin remains the largest weapons manufacturer in the world.
Another student, a second-year electrical engineering major and former Raytheon employee, elaborated on his summer internship work. “I worked on targeting software. Targeting doesn’t mean.. I mean you can target a tree.”
The final student we spoke to told us that not only have they never worked on weapons, but they do not know what a weapon is.
We reached out to Lockheed Martin and Raytheon for comment, but they appear to have mistakenly misplaced our email alongside tens of thousands of messages from human rights organizations.
