In a move intended to provide jobs to those most in need, mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani has announced that he will be hiring Republican nominee Curtis Sliwa as the city’s Crazy Uncle, and Andrew Cuomo as the city’s Creepy Uncle. While not entirely clear about the positions, Mamdani’s advisor claimed that Sliwa will “be allowed to attend New Yorkers’ Passover, Ramadan, and even Christmas celebrations as that member of the family who says some weird shit sometimes but you otherwise have a good laugh with.” Meanwhile, Cuomo will be “banned from all parties and made to sit in the time-out corner for being bad.”
“Hey, even Weird Uncles like us need some cash,” Sliwa said in a press conference. “I sure as hell still need to pay off my medical bills from being shot five times back in ‘94.” Cuomo, meanwhile, refused to comment but was seen eating a slice of cake in the corner of Grace Mansion while being forced to watch Mamdani’s campaign ads.
