In a move that shocked the Columbia community, the Columbia Sundial recently announced that they would open up several positions that Irish and Italian students could apply to.
“After some extensive internal deliberation, our team decided it would be worth a test run of expanding eligibility for our job applicant pool” stated Sundial head of staffing Timothy Stewardchild. “Especially with how many non-American students are on campus these days, we can’t afford to be picky.”
While the Sundial team was largely in agreement with this next chapter, their readership has expressed some frustration.
“It’s ridiculous, you know?” said Luna Ci, an avid Sundial reader and doomsday oracle operating out of a folding table outside the 116th gates. “First they let the Irish and Italians in, and then what’s next? Jews? Gays? The flood gates are open, the world is burning. It’s spiraling out of control.”
The Fed received confirmation that the roles opening to Irish and Italian students include Paper Boy, Meeting Custodian, and Team Chef.
