After a disappointing run-Win at the Ferris omelet bar (due to the lack of caviar selection), Hans Rainsford Rockefeller Carnegie IV stopped by Butler Library for a quick study session. Hans usually enjoys living in an off-campus apartment, which his parents bought (as an investment, of course) and where the help is already acquainted with his preferences. So, it was much to his chagrin that when he entered Butler Library, there was no initial hot towel and hand massage and not even a measly aperitif or light cocktail to help him enter a workflow. It had been a disappointing week for Rainsford; the John Jay Society was a major let-down. Only an odd yet horny looking grad student with a sword presided, which certainly lacks the aura of the Scroll and Key at Yale, with their expensive champagne and affinity for salty biscuits. Furthermore, none of the Barnard students in his feminist literature course were impressed by the fact that he has two sisters or by his most recent trip to Saint-Tropez on the Carnegie family yacht. But his discovery at Butler proved to be the most disappointing: there were, indeed, no university-provided butlers. At least Rainsford was able to find a temporary one by sliding a postdoc a fiver. No one said the path to success would be easy, Rainsford.
Legacy Student Discovers Butler Library Does Not Include Butlers
