In an update to university policies posted on the Columbia website last week, Public Safety announced the expansion of their QR-code based guest system. Specifically, students will now be granted the ability to register an extra same-day guest if they can do a backflip.
“We’re really fired up about this,” said Public Safety employee I.D. Tapper when we woke him up from a nap inside his reinforced steel bunker at the 116th gate. “I’m getting bored of sitting here all day and half-noticing students swiping into campus while I watch Family Guy clips on my phone. We’re all pumped about seeing some of that real-life ninja stuff.”Public Safety officers across campus can hardly contain their excitement to the new policy. However, Tapper is a little more wary, stressing he doesn’t want to see students trying to get extra guests in with “any of those weak-ass front flips.” Yet, Tapper still expressed confidence in the new policy’s effectiveness in deterring unapproved student action. He told The Fed that “anyone cool enough to do a backflip would never join one of those lame protests… right?”
