Finally, you can show off that pedicure and those pierced nips! In honor of the 70th anniversary of Mr. Ferris Booth Commons’ death, Columbia’s administration has decided to pay tribute through one of his dying wishes: a shirtless, shoeless dining hall. During a recent excavation of the land beneath Lerner, archaeologists discovered that his devout belief in skin-to-skin contact while consuming raw fish as the highest form of eudaimonia appeared numerous times in his archive of personal journals.
Columbia Dining’s visionary designers have engineered custom shag rugs that will be able to absorb odors from both bare feet and food dropped on the floor. Included in the architecture will also be a fireplace and wool blankets available to shield bare bodies from the cold. Commingling is encouraged with dedicated stations for playful foot play, raw chest bumps, and the spoon station, featuring both the utensil and a chain of students clutching each other’s bare bodies.
A quick glance reveals students sprawled out on the plush carpets, feeding each other grapes and moisturizing the backs of their peers. The newly renovated dining hall boasts a varied and delicious menu including items like pigs in a blanket, minestrone soup, and shakshuka.
We at The Fed encourage you to go check it out before your summer tan fades and your pedicure chips.
