We all have looked up at the exterior of Butler Library while sitting on the Low Steps. Everyone thinks the same thing when they first read those names: who are these flops? Truthfully, all of them sound like different species of bacteria that gave you that nasty UTI after NSOP. It is clear that President Mnookin is on the same wavelength, as she announced that refurbishment will begin next week to remove Aristotle (who?) from the façade and replace it with one of the most consequential intellectuals of the modern era: Cardi B. In coordination with this update, the Queen of Rap’s Invasion of Privacy will be added as mandatory listening to all Contemporary Civilization sections, effective immediately.
When asked about the surprising yet much-needed choice, Mnookin stated, “‘Through Your Phone’ is a fire ass track. I gagged so hard on my first listen that I had no other choice but to memorialize her forever. Nicki found deceased.” While the age-old question of “Cardi or Nicki?” is yet to have a definite answer, it is clear that Morningside Heights stands with the “Bodak Yellow” goddess. The estate of Nicki Minaj declined our request for comment.
