Late last week, House Representative Emily Beral of New Jersey submitted a bill that would turn the job of President of the United States into an at-will employment, effectively removing all short and long term length limits. In presenting the bill, Representative Beral cited a wish to “follow Columbia University leadership in discarding any president whenever, for whatever,” referencing the high presidential turnover rate throughout the past four years at the university.
“Frankly, this current political system isn’t working at all,” Representative Beral rationalized. “I think everyone’s tired of listening to the same guy for four years at a time. It’s such a high commitment just to end up with a president who does dick all for the average American.” She continued, “If we ran this place like Columbia, this current guy would’ve been long gone, never to be heard from again.” Appealing to Republican representatives, Beral continued: “Or, like, if you want him to stay longer, that’s fine. It goes the opposite way. There was this guy named Bollinger who was Columbia president for 20 years or so.”
Many concerns were expressed within the chamber, particularly regarding what this bill means for the right to vote. Representative Beral dispelled any worries by proposing a new approach to voting that asks for citizens to submit names of potential presidents and provide feedback on the current president via surveys, an approach similarly employed by Columbia University.
President Trump, upon being asked about his thoughts of adhering more to Columbia’s policies, said: “Columbia? Colombia–They have a lot of drugs, Colombia, and we’re going to put an end to that.”
