Atmospheric researchers at Columbia’s Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory have recently confirmed that humidity levels at the construction site of Barnard College’s Roy and Diana Vagelos Science Center (also known as the Vag Center, for short) have reached a staggering 847 percent, despite the chilly weather. The researchers have described this phenomenon as “both unprecedented and weirdly appropriate given the nickname.”
Those attempting to study near the construction site have reported that their textbooks have begun to warp and their laptop screens are fogging over. At least three students have had to wring out their lecture notes like dish towels due to the atmospheric moisture. Facilities staff have attempted to address the issue by opening windows, but sources say the moisture simply “refused to leave,” with one worker noting that it “seems to have made itself at home.”
As Barnard continues construction, students have heard rumors of a hidden addition to the renovated Vag Center: The Bean Cafe at the Vag Center. “I’m not sure where The Bean will be located, but I sure hope there’s a button on the elevator that tells you which floor it’s on,” said a concerned Columbia CS major, further claiming that The Bean is “an urban legend.” In contrast, the Barnard Club Q members unanimously reported that they’d “have no trouble finding it, if it exists.” Lehrer Cumming, a representative of the Vag Center’s construction team, announced that Columbia students will be denied entry through the building’s backdoor for “safety purposes.”
