In a stunning Valentine’s-adjacent tragedy unfolding in real time, Barnard sophomore Delu Sion (BC ’27) has reportedly fallen deeply, irrationally, and spiritually against her will in love with a Columbia man, after he described a dining hall argument as “an important discourse.”
“It was just the way he said it,” she admitted, staring into the distance like she’d just been drafted into war. “He didn’t even mean it. He was talking about the John Jay cookie shortage. But the confidence… the audacity… the male entitlement to language… it did something to me.”
Witnesses confirm the Columbia man in question, Reid Flag (CC ’27), was wearing a navy puffer, carrying a tote bag from a bookstore he’s never been inside, and giving off the aura of someone who has been called “well spoken” since birth.The encounter took place on College Walk, where Delu was innocently attempting to have a peaceful day before being emotionally ambushed by a man who majors in Political Science and speaks exclusively in seminar phrasing.
“He asked me what I’m reading right now,” Delu recalled. “And I said, ‘Nothing, I’m trying to heal.’ And he nodded like that was normal.” Friends say Delu initially resisted, “She texted our group chat, ‘I’m not doing this again,’” reported her friend, “But then he invited her to study in Butler and she folded immediately. Like… girl. That’s not a date. That’s a hostage situation.” Delu insists the romance is intellectual. “It’s not about him,” she clarified. “It’s about the idea of him. The fact he can quote Hobbes while wearing sneakers that cost $300. That’s art.”
According to sources, Reid exhibited classic Columbia Male Courtship Behaviour, which includes:
- Mentioning his class readings within 30 seconds of meeting someone
- Saying “I actually disagree with that” as a flirting mechanism
- Referring to his dorm as “my place” when it is, in fact, Carman Hall
Their first “date” consisted of Reid buying Delu a coffee and then talking about his internship search like it was a morally heroic journey. “He said he’s interested in finance because it’s ‘where the systems are,’” she said. “And I was like… wow. That’s the smartest thing anyone has ever said. I need him” By the second hangout, Delu had already romanticised basic acts of male functioning. “He opened the door for me,” she said, breathless. “Like… he used his hand. To open a door. It was giving emotionally available.”
Her friends remain concerned.“The Barnard-to-Columbia-man pipeline is real,” said her friend. “It starts with ‘he’s kinda cute’ and ends with ‘I can fix him’ and then suddenly you’re sitting through his monologue about the Federalist Papers while he forgets your birthday.”
At the time, Chloe was reportedly doodling his name in a notebook with a heart next to it while claiming she “doesn’t even care.”When asked where she thinks the relationship is going, Delu paused. “I don’t know,” she said softly. “But he said my thoughts were ‘sometimes nuanced.’ And I think that means he loves me.”
