Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican nominee and local icon Curtis Sliwa has announced his next venture: serving as a nude model for Columbia University art classes, beret and all.
“I am a man of truth and transparency,” Sliwa told journalists as he wolfed down a saltless egg-and-cheese on a roll. “For too long, our mayors have barricaded themselves behind closed doors. But I, for one, will not sit back while Commie Mamdani basks fully clothed in his Commie Corruption.” He noted that Mamdani’s new-wave socialism differs greatly from the tried-and-true vigilantism that has granted him his infamous physique. Some would argue that vigilantism is the only real way to get any real change (and abs) around these parts, no?
Sliwa views his newest endeavor as nothing short of a public service: “I was shot five times in the back of a yellow cab by the Gottis and Gambino Crime Family, and I’ve still got both bean bags! I gotta remind these kids about what New York men used to look like back in the golden days.”
CU students participating in the figure drawing workshops expressed excitement at the prospect of such an esteemed subject. “He’s got great anatomy,” a student remarked, “there’s like… so much wisdom carved into his face… like you know he’s been through shit.” Another student noted that the “deep crimson of his beret contrasts greatly with the pale, milk-like tone of his skin, just like one of Michelangelo’s subjects.”
The department hopes to make Sliwa a regular fixture in figure drawing workshops. “Public service has long been immortalized in artistic works, and it’s an honor to continue that legacy.” Hey, he may not have dropped out, but at least he’s dropping his drawers.
