This week, it was announced from the Columbia College Student Council that, while budget cuts have made bouncy houses and fair games unattainable this autumn, they are still committed to making sure that students have activities to partake in that absolutely nobody asked for. So, on October 31st, CCSC will be transforming our beloved Lerner Hall into a fully immersive haunted house for the spooky season!
The Fed has the scoop on what this is going to look like.
When you first enter, you will be greeted with a slew of confusing hallways and uneven ramps. You may not be exactly sure where you are supposed to go next, but don’t get it twisted, you won’t have much time to think before hordes of hurried bodies are ushering you out of the foyer and into the maze.
You will then proceed up the stairs and arrive at the spookily renamed SCAREiss Boo! Commons, where you will be jump scared by hordes of confused freshmen who don’t know how to walk and almost spill entire plates of food on you. If you choose to be REALLY scared, you may also encounter the women’s rowing team, who will come at you with their giant backpacks, probably hitting you in the face and not even saying they’re sorry.
If you make it through that horror, you will be ushered into the elevator of doom, which you must ride up to the 5th floor without suffocating due to the fact that there are probably 70 people crammed into that tiny little box.
But don’t be fooled, the terror doesn’t stop there. Once you get to the fifth floor, you will immediately be bombarded by the dancing demons, or one of the dance teams that has decided to rehearse a complicated dance number in the hallway, and they don’t give a fuck that you’re trying to walk by. You will also have to be laser focused, as not to trip on the instrument cases that have been strewn about for no apparent reason. While all of this is happening, your ears will be abused by the sensory horror that is the combined sound of seven acapella groups, four people playing insanely complicated piano pieces, a random Finance Club trying to have a meeting, and loud dance music probably coming all the way up from outside Roone Auditorium.
By this point in the experience, you are tired, you are overstimulated, and you are scared shitless. What a fun time!
Here is a message from CCSC: “We can’t wait for you all to experience the spooks of Haunted Lerner Hall this Halloween, but if you want a sneak peek, just go to Lerner on any Sunday night! Happy spooky season!”
