This morning, Columbia Treasurer Sunil Gulati announced that JJ’s Place will begin serving alcoholic beverages once again to make up the deficit in Columbia’s budget. JJ’s Place was originally opened as “John Jay Pub” in 1939, before closing in 1985 after Ronald Reagan increased the drinking age.
“Our agreement with the federal government wouldn’t let us get all of our funding back, but in return, they promised to turn a blind eye if we sold alcohol to our students,” explained Gulati. “Not only will we make bank, as the drinks are sold separately from the meal swipe, but by being drunk, our students may enjoy JJ’s Place’s food offerings for the first time ever.”
JJ’s drink menu has been released as well, promising:
- Roar-Beer: $20
- Katrina Margarita: $30
- Hard JJ’s Smoothies: $35
- Long Island Iced Tea: $50 after import tariffs (because Long Island is not a borough and never will be)
When we asked Gulati if they would at least take dining dollars to help pay for these expensive offerings, he sloshed beer onto our faces and yelled, “Who do you think we are, Cafe East?!”
