Earlier today, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce announced their engagement after two(ish?) years of dating. The couple may be one of the most heterosexual pairings of all time — a pop star finding love with a football tight-end turned podcast bro is a widely known trope, after all — yet some of Swift’s cult following remain convinced that she is secretly sapphic. On campus, Barnard students that have branded themselves as part of the international ‘Gaylor’ community seem unfazed by this development in the Swift/Kelce relationship.
“This engagement is clearly an artistic move from Taylor,” says Carr Petmuncher BC ‘27. “My interpretation of it is that she’s adopting heterosexual norms — in this case, marriage and monogamy — in preparation for her new album, Life of a Showgirl. She’s back in the spotlight, in the public eye, and she’s being forced to capitulate to everyone’s expectations of her, hence her acceptance of Travis’s proposal. Contrast that with the masterpieces of evermore and folklore, which were written during COVID lockdown and represent Taylor’s truest, most isolated self, with many of the songs so obviously about her secret lesbian relationship with Karlie Kloss. I actually wrote a whole essay about the queer motifs she commonly uses if you’re interested…” Our Fed reporter was unable to secure a copy of that paper due to the sudden unfurling of Petmuncher’s folklore cardigan.
Many other Barnard Gaylors agree with Petmuncher’s sentiments and are convinced that Swift’s sexuality is not what it seems to the untrained eye. One student, who asked to be credited with her Twitter handle @taylorisadyke, told the Fed, “I mean, have you listened to “Lavender Haze”? Or “dorothea”? Or “betty?” It’s not us Gaylors who are in denial, it’s everyone else who is pushing a straight-washed agenda onto Taylor! Us Swifties have an obligation to break her out of this sham of a marriage that she has clearly been forced into by our patriarchal society! This is a moral urgency!”
It is unclear at this time whether these Gaylors will be holding a peaceful vigil for their fallen sapphic sister or plan on taking more militant action in response to Swift and Kelce’s engagement. But for now, they will be passing out zines in Milstein advertising the beauty and benefits of lavender marriages.
