On Saturday afternoon, the Dean of Columbia College, Dr. Josef Sorret, was spotted walking his Chihuahua and bumming a cigarette in Riverside Park–wearing jorts!
Students also reported Sorret has a previously undisclosed tattoo of a baby lion reading Metamorphosis on his calf.
After a picture was posted on Sidechat, the local Goodwill reported an influx of jorts donations. “So many people have been getting rid of their jorts, our denim section took over our flannel rack,” said a Goodwill employee. Meanwhile, jorts have been disappearing from campus faster than President Shafik.
The disappearance of jorts has sent ripples throughout the fashion world. New York Fashion Week came out with a statement announcing that none of the models would be wearing jorts on the runway this year. “Once a fashion statement reaches the middle-aged professor demographic, that typically means that a trend has run its course,” noted a NYFW stylist.
The Fed reached out to Dean Sorret for comment, but he denied our requests, citing he was too busy “thrifting vintage Playboy t-shirts.”
