Columbia Announces New Protein-Focused Dining Hall, Chef Kyle’s

Graphic by Molly Durawa

Lovers of Mike and Don, rejoice! A new chef is joining Columbia Dining’s coveted rank of “I have my own dining hall that makes one specific type of food exclusively and does not have remotely enough seating to support the student body.” Chef Kyle’s will be designed entirely around protein, trying to help students who may normally fall below their nutritional goals when dining at other halls. “Bro, it’s so cool to be doing this,” said Chef Kyle when asked to comment on this exciting endeavor. “The gains are gonna go crazy.”

Promotional materials for the new hall have teased options like bowls of assorted beans, scoops of raw whey protein powder, and whole rotisserie chickens, among other foods not recommended by most cardiologists. Beverage options include whole milk and energy drinks (water can be requested only if the student is taking creatine).

Chef Kyle’s will be opened on the top tri-level of Dodge Fitness Center, because they definitely have the space for it, and admin has decided that it’s not hard enough for people to get machines already. The hall will have 10 total tables in order to continue the Columbia Dining tradition of students having to stand and hold their food while they wait for someone else to finish eating. We hope to see you all there—bro-n appétit!