BREAKING: ‘The College’ Now Exclusively Refers to Barnard

Barnard College is now the only undergraduate college allowed to be referred to as “The College,” according to an official University press release. 

The announcement follows decades of Barnard students rolling their eyes every time a Columbia College classmate stated that they attended “The College.” The decision by the University to transfer nickname rights to Barnard marks a milestone in Columbia’s #feminism era, especially so soon after hiring a female president.

“I remember all of those times when we’d do introductions in clubs, and some CC kids would invariably say they went to ‘The College,’ which, despite seeming like it’s supposed to be a nickname, somehow has more syllables than ‘CC,’” Madeline Harris, The College ’23, said. “Now we as Barnard students finally get to unnecessarily lengthen the amount of time it takes to say our school’s name.”

Not all students agree with the University’s decision, though. “This is absurd. If I had known the University could just strip us of our right to call ourselves our rightful name like that, I would have never applied to Columbia when I attended The Academy,” said Charles Buckingham, CC ’25 and Phillips Academy Andover ’21.

When asked about the decision, University officials told the Fed, “After that whole thing where Barnard students couldn’t go to Faculty House for one day, and Columbia getting a new president before Barnard, we felt like they needed a win.”