Heartwarming: Carlton Resident Adopted by Family of Rats

After a series of 3:00 AM walks back to Carlton Arms from frat parties and late Butler nights, Kayne Carter CC’24 has been adopted by a family of rats that he frequently encountered. “Yeah man it’s pretty cool,” Carter said. “Over the course of the semester I’ve really gotten to know these guys well; it was already like we were family, but now they’re just making it official.”

Initially, Carter was bummed about his lottery number, but he says his adoption has thoroughly made up for it. “I just hope that they don’t make me dig through trash and stuff to find food,” he stated.

Carter mentioned that at first he didn’t realize that the same rats were always following him home until one of them started speaking to him. “It was pretty wild,” Carter remembered. “I thought I was just high as balls and a homeless guy was the one speaking, but there was no one around. That’s when I look down, and it was the rat all along.”

From then onward, the same rats always walked Carter back to Carlton Arms, the fairytale dorm on 109th. When asked why he was not confused once he learned that it was the rat speaking, Carter mentioned that he had been prepared for this situation by what he had seen in Ratatouille.*

“Pixar totally got this one right,” Carter said. “I wonder if the director also got adopted by rats or something.”

*The rats cannot speak to humans in Ratatouille; The Fed suspects that Carter has never seen the film.