Sorority Girl Who “Loves How Her Birthday is Always During Spring Break” Feeling Less Smug Now


WESTCHESTER, NY – 𝝚𝝘𝝮 sister, Elise Murphy CC’21, has always prided herself on her March 20th birthday, which has consistently fallen within Spring Break. Unfortunately, next year’s modified academic calendar has ripped that away from her, thus depriving her of her primary topic of conversation for most of the January to April period.

According to Interim Provost Ira Katznelson’s email confirming the “contours and character of the 2020-21 academic calendar,” the Columbia calendar has been dramatically reworked, meaning Spring Break will now start in beach season favorite, February.

Murphy has typically described herself as having a “chill, fun, spring vibes kinda” personality, largely predicated on enjoying her birthday away from campus on a beach in Cancun, yet now she has to rethink one of her truths when playing Two Truths and a Lie during bid week.

“It’s kind of, like, my thing, you know, that’s who I am and to have that taken away from me, it’s just, like, dude, that’s really not cool… like, I don’t think I’m okay with that,” Murphy said. 

Elaborating on the issue, Murphy explained that every year she and her sisters would throw a massive “Elise’s Birthday Spring Break Trip.” When asked for a comment, her fellow sisters were taken aback by this idea and confirmed it was just a normal Spring Break. 

“I think we maybe had a cake one year and maybe last year we bought her two mimosas,” said Joanna Bradbury BC’21, “but I don’t know… I’d say I’m not super close with her and she’s more my friends’ friend, so I can’t say.”

In a further blow to the rising seniors, there will now be only six days between the end of finals and the start of the summer semester, meaning seniors will lose the opportunity to have a senior trip before commencement. 

Giving her final thoughts to The Federalist, Murphy said “it’s just really strange. I made it very clear that 2020 was going to be my year. The idea that life is still going to be inconvenient in 2021 is really stressful and I hope that the university takes a second to think about mental health and reverts some of the negative consequences this policy has on me.”