ORLANDO, FLORIDA – Following the unfortunate events at the Grand Floridian Resort and Spa, Donald Trump added alligators to his proposed list of banned peoples which now includes Muslims, Mexicans, anyone with small hands, the University of Phoenix and all of his ex-wives.
Speaking at a recent press conference Trump elaborated on his new proposal saying, “I said this was going to happen! These radical alligators, they’re from Egypt. I hear they have ties to the Muslim Brotherhood…they come to our country and anNilelate our children.”
When a Washington Post reporter mentioned that crocodiles are from Egypt and that alligators are actually a native species to the Americas, Trump blustered about “homegrown terrorists” and “radical Islam” before having the publication’s press access revoked for all future campaign events.
Trump then summoned his unpaid summer intern, Governor of New Jersey, and human personification of dejection Chris Christie, and requested that he, “do me the photoshop of Hillary but make her face a gator. Then put that on the twitter with ‘crooked crocodile Hillary’ and go get me McDonalds.”