During Spring Cleaning, Facilities Tosses Columbia’s Junk on Lawn

Cleaning ten years’ worth of junk from the John Jay basement, Curator of Art Properties Roberto Ferrari had Columbia Facilities toss a bunch of rubbish out on the lawn.  “Maybe it’s a mark of middle age, but I’ve gotten really into decluttering lately,” Ferrari remarked. “I’m finally ready to say goodbye to all this garbage I’ve been hoarding.  Maybe I’ll repaint the John Jay basement and make a nice game room for the kids.”

Ferrari attached a ‘FREE’ sign to an amorphous twist of bronzed metal before continuing.  “Hopefully someone picks this up at the curb,” he said.  “I doubt anyone wants it, though.”

Though the scrap metal is likely the charred remains of the Hartley laundry machines that were melted together in last year’s fire, Ferrari insists it’s an original Henry Moore.

“I would have gotten rid of this crap myself if it didn’t weigh a few tons,” Ferrari added.  “And with us having to send 6,000 kids through college, we just can’t afford to call 1-800-GOTJUNK right now.”