Caitlyn Jenner Comes Out As A Ted Cruz Supporter

HOLLYWOOD — On March 30th, after denying rumors about her political endorsement, Caitlyn Jenner has finally come out publically as a Ted Cruz supporter. Hollywood and Washington have been speculating on her private political preferences for months, and they have finally received an answer.

In the past she has claimed, “I like Ted Cruz … I think he’s very conservative and a great constitutionalist and a very articulate man,” but she failed to provide a definite answer to the press. These vague, grey responses have not expressed her precise position on the presidential race.                                                            

But now that she has announced her support for Ted Cruz over an E! International press junket for her new show, “I Am Cait,” political pundits and gender theorists throughout the country have marked this as a rare occurrence of an idiot being trapped inside a woman who was once trapped inside a man.

We asked to behavioral psychology expert Jerry Butler—Judith Butler’s estranged brother—for his analysis on the issue. According to Butler, idiocy, much like sexuality and gender, exists on a spectrum, and people fall on various ends of it. “Human intelligence is not so black-and-white as we would like to believe,” he claims. “Some people fall on farther ends on the range than others, and Caitlyn Jenner seems to lean towards to the not-so-bright side.”

“Trans people can be assholes and idiots, like anyone else,” Butler explained. “They can fail to recognize the toxic forms of privilege that stick from other aspects of their identity and continue to live in blissful ignorance—under a pile of reality TV show money, in Caitlyn Jenner’s case.”

Ted Cruz’s anti-abortion, anti-welfare, anti-immigration, anti-gay marriage stances are clearly destructive to both women and the LGBT community, but Caitlyn Jenner does not seem to notice these conflicts with her own interests. “I [would] have all my girls on a trans issues board to advise him on making decisions when it comes to trans issues,” she optimistically chimed when asked about this glaring contradiction.

According to a Human Rights Campaign report, the number of transgender homicide has hit a historic all time high in 2015, and almost all of them have been women of color. Even as trans visibility is increasing in the media, Jenner has been blinded by the sheer whiteness of her skin to see past issues of corporate Hollywood culture.

When asked about her former spouse’s decision to support Ted Cruz, Kris Jenner responded that she was still “upset that Caitlyn decided to spell her name with a C, not a K.” No further comment was given.