House of Lords
Julia Schreder: Mini Cereal Baking Enthusiast
Annie Iezzi: Regular-Sized Cereal Baking Enthusiast
Fedoras-on-Chef
Gustie Owens: Poor Quality Assurance Officer
Nurasyl Shokeyev: Headmaster of the Fed Film Society
Barely Managing Editors
Amelia Fay: твоя бабушка
Nikhil Mehta: Humpty
Headlice Submissions Editors
House of Commons
Matt Nola: Dumpty
Pub Lister
Zachary Ginsberg: Sat on a Wall
Jurassic Editor
Jayne Magliocco: Printer Technician
Lane-Route Editor
Zoe Davidson: Groot
Stop Motion Animation Editor
Sam Grossman: Wannabe Floor Lamp
Isabel O’Brien: Not Related to Conan O’Brien (Probably)
Anjali Ramakrishnan: Assistant Head Welder
Phillip Ruddy: The Fourth Stooge
Wesley Schmidt: The Terminator’s Nephew
Mary Schauf: Yeast Charmer
Submissive Editors
Elizabeth Meyer: English Major
Mortician
Joseph Baer: Chief Wikipedia Expert
Senior Citizen
Peasants
Yumtso Bhum (Chief Pancake Flipper), Whitney Deng (Allergic to Mullets)
Anique Edwards (TikTok Room Correspondent), Julian Gerber (Liaison to the Association of Potted Plants)
Dessa Gerger (Russian Correspondent—She Can See It from Her House)
Dahlia Low (Space Pants Designer), Megan Meyerson (Exchange Student from Hogwarts)
Alex Malamud (Once Stood behind the Fifth Cousin, Once Removed, of Queen Margrethe II of Denmark in Line at Walmart),
Emily Olson (Acting Administrative Bureaucrat), Ava Sanjabi (Chief Assistant to the Assistant Assistant)
Baha Topbas (Grand Champion of 2015 Iowa Chicken Wing Eating Contest), Lauren Unterberger (Ambassador to Lerner Hall)
Obligatory Funny People
Lillian Aregawi (Zoom Enthusiast), Kat Chen (Gen Z Representative)
Jules Michaud (Certified Tree Cutter), Mai Morsey (Celery Cultivator)
Starving Artists
Miriam Alvarez-Rosenbloom (Horseshoe Enthusiast), Mollie Schmidtberger (Spikeball Expert)
Humble Scribes
Claire Ponnaiya (Tiresias’ Reincarnation), Ben Stettin (NFT Consultant)
Hackermen
Jeannette Kim (Live360 Brand Ambassador), Lauren Lee (Brand Strategist GMT +8)
Antisocial Media Group
Zoe Vogelsang
Website Guru
Alumni Board
Water Bottle Man
Caterer
Jar Jar Binks
Communications
Aberforth Dumbledore
Intelligence Officer
Understudy for the Backup Reindeer 5 in Frozen II
Hair and Makeup Consultant
Captain von Trapp
Fundraising
Captain Hook
Mindfulness Coordinator
