
Columbia’s Only Newspaper That Is Also a Write-In Candidate
Volume XLIV • Issue 2 • October 2025
From the Issue:
False Alarm: Furnald Still Virgin Safe Haven
We all heard the hot news on the street last week. Furnald resident Elmer Edwards had worked up…
I Lived It: A SEAS Student Snuck Into my Swim Test
Like all good Columbia College seniors, I walked into Dodge Fitness Center the other day to complete my…
International Students “Forget” Parents’ Campus Passes
In a less-than-ideal start to Parents’ Weekend, this Friday morning, campus’ Broadway gates endured a vicious mob of…
Brave Columbia Man Leverages Liberal Arts Education At DC Landmine Startup
Many Columbia graduates find themselves pursuing professions in the startup space after graduation. One intrepid student “stumbled upon”…
Not This Again: Hillary Clinton Accidentally Emails Classified Material to Entire SIPA Listserv
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN: This past Monday, when students in Columbia’s School of International and Public Affairs (SIPA) awoke…
Columbia Public Safety Cracks Down on Preschoolers in Neon Vests, Babies in Strollers, Dogs
With Columbia’s recent announcement that community members will now be able to enter the 116th gates for the…
In Lieu of Opening Campus, Columbia Pledges to Give Halloween Candy to Local Residents
With local tensions rising over Columbia’s (possibly illegal) decision to have campus remain closed to residents of Morningside…
President Rosenbury Spotted in First Year Writing
Sloppy ballet escapades notwithstanding, President Laura Rosenbury is fearlessly taking on another Barnard class: First Year Writing. Spotted…
Butler Library: Columbia’s Hottest Dating App
Everyone says the Columbia dating scene is dead, but those people clearly haven’t logged into the most exclusive…
Attention Bwog: NOTICE TO CEASE AND DESIST
To the Bwog Editorial Board, Please accept this correspondence as a formal notice to immediately cease and desist…
Slackline Installed on Campus, Students Go Berserk
“AHHHHHHHHHHHH,” yelled one extraordinarily elated, wool-sock wearing student from Low steps when first catching a glimpse of the…
Photographer Wins 35mm Photograph Competition
Photographer Forrest Lenker recently won the NYU photography competition for his incredible 35mm raw photograph of his duo-cross-poly,…
Barnard College Officially Shuts Down, Campus Becomes a Spirit Halloween
Due to the shocking debt accumulated last fall, and the numerous controversies surrounding the institution, Barnard College announced…
Claire Shipman Haunted by the Ghost of $200 Million
It came to me in the middle of the night. I heard a rattling outside the window of…
Fedvestigation: Grad Student Trick-or-Treats on Upper East Side Because ‘They Give Out the Big Candy Bars’
As the weather chills from mid-80s to mid-70s, it’s clear to everyone at Columbia University that autumn—and Halloween—is…
SCARIEST THING YOU CAN BE THIS HALLOWEEN: Chopped
Do people shudder at the sight of you? Do little kids run from you out of fear that…
Columbia to Return to Serving Drinks in JJ’s Place
This morning, Columbia Treasurer Sunil Gulati announced that JJ’s Place will begin serving alcoholic beverages once again to…
Andrew Cuomo Falls into Well While Visiting Amish Country
As tension builds in the New York City mayoral race, candidates Cuomo and Mamdami are giving their final…
Columbia Sundial to Open Applications to Irish and Italian Students
In a move that shocked the Columbia community, the Columbia Sundial recently announced that they would open up…
Help!! Chef Mike Rizzed up my Mom at Parents Weekend
I don’t want them to cook my grandma. Please. He’s already coming to Christmas.
My Parents Came for Parents Weekend and Found Out I Make Reborn Baby Dolls
The first hint was the stroller outside my dorm. But the chaos really began when my parents saw…
The Journey to Butler Library
So Apparently Dangling Sleeping Roommate Out of Eighth Story Window No Longer Okay
Apparently this is going to get me “canceled” or whatever, but I’m not afraid. Yeah, I’ll admit it:…
“I Think Our Suite is Haunted”: Worst Roommate Ever Blames Poltergeist for Unfinished Chores
Barnard Facilities has received an especially haunting maintenance request this Halloween season: cleansing a suite of an evil…
Majority of Finance Clubs Possessed By Demonic Entities
A 13-year investigation at The Fed has finally concluded to confirm that a majority of finance clubs on…
Barnard Expansion to Found First American Non-Binary College (NBC), NBarnard College
Barnard College has received upwards of 200 complaints from prospective students who hesitated to apply after viewing the…
China Reports Nationwide Bao Shortage, Cites ‘Unsustainable Demand’ from John Jay Dining Hall
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, NY — On Tuesday, the Chinese Ministry of Commerce announced that a severe nationwide shortage of…
BREAKING: Analysis of Barnard Demographics Reveals Troubling Gender Disparity
Following an agreement with Daddy Donald to carry out a comprehensive evaluation of their admissions practices, Columbia has…
Places I Have Fallen In New York
Halloween weekend means it’s time to start the seasonal bender all over again, and in honor of the…
Help! My parents actually came for parents’ weekend!
It was a courtesy invitation, and I hadn’t even sent it; Columbia did, without even checking if I…
Lin Manuel Miranda as Hamilton Announced as New Columbia President
Following the never-ending search for a Columbia president, the Board of Trustees is proud to announce that the…
Heartbreaking: Not a Single Kid in the Nation Able to Convince Friend to Trade for Their Butterfinger
After trick-or-treating wrapped up this October 31, kids across the country gathered around and dumped their pillow cases…
BE WARNED! Columbia Student Summons Deadly Demonic TA After Coughing Three Times in Lecture
As Columbia’s flu season dies down, students now face a new threat to their 8:40 AM LitHum lecture….
CC Freshman At a Very Chinese Time in His Life
When Sean Cena (CC ‘29) learned about Columbia College’s four-semester foreign language requirement, he felt stuck. “I wanted…
Bzzt! Bzzt! Transmission From a Future Where the Entire Economy Relies on Grace Dodge Tokens
Transmission loading… Hello, person receiving this. The year is 2094. The Earth’s second moon has disappeared behind the…
I’m a Little Man Stuck Inside The Fed Printing Press, Please Let Me Out!
HEY! Hey, you there! Don’t flip to the next page, WAIT! I’m Little Gregory, and I’m stuck inside…
Rosenbury Hires Etsy Witch to Quell Criticism
It’s no secret that Barnard’s very own President Rosenbury has been the subject (read: creator) of quite a…
NEW FROM CCSC: LERNER HAUNTED HOUSE!
This week, it was announced from the Columbia College Student Council that, while budget cuts have made bouncy…
REPORT: Mask Ban Sure Is a Headache On Halloween
According to a tip from Public Safety employee Al Lydsikirity, the University’s campus-wide mask ban sure stirs up…
