Groundbreaking research by Columbia University has confirmed that a single Columbia student has been doing 90% of the work for every group project at the university.
Researchers found that the rest of the students’ contributions were limited to: suggesting a font, putting their names to the title page, and adding a slide at the end of the presentation that reads, “Thanks for watching.”
“I knew it!” said second-year victim Audrey Smith. Smith is the sole weight-bearer for group work at Columbia, and projections suggest that without her efforts the university’s average GPA would plummet by about 50%. Her group member, Brian, was unavailable for comment because he was too busy playing Brawl Stars.
A professor defended group projects, saying they “prepare students for the real world.”
However, the research team has yet to find a workplace where five employees are randomly assigned to complete a major project, and then four of them disappear.
Further research on this topic has been derailed ever since the lead scientist quit in frustration after doing 90% of the work.
