MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — Columbia Dining has announced that, effective immediately, it will aim to exclusively serve raw milk in place of all other liquid dairy products in an effort to comply with RFK Jr.’s new guidelines. While not everybody is convinced, the announcement has been met with enthusiasm, particularly among students across campus who do not know things.
“We’re just happy to realize the vision of the Trump Administration, no matter what that vision may be at any given time,” a spokesperson from the university told The Federalist.
According to a press release from this morning, John Jay and Ferris Booth Commons will begin the transition, and Faculty House and all other dining locations will meet the new standard by the end of the week. Plans are reportedly also being made to eliminate seed oils entirely in favor of beef tallow.
When asked about their thoughts on the switch, one student who was keen on staying anonymous said, “I trust the federal government.”
The university noted that the current changes are unrelated to ongoing discussions with federal funding agencies, and any new NIH funding received in the coming weeks is purely coincidental.
