Okay, I know what you’re thinking: isn’t this a little much? But you guys don’t get it! I’m a SENIOR, alright. I needed my final semester to go perfectly, to lock in those crucial major requirements and juicy electives I finally have time for. I don’t have time for every Jackass Jake and Smartass Sally trying to get MY coveted seminar spot.
So that’s why I leveraged my #LinkedIn #network and used my #connections to get an appointment with Bethesda the Horrific and Undying Supreme Witch. And, like, honestly, the consultation went really well! All I had to do was sign my name in blood, promise her my firstborn child (joke’s on her, who’s having a kid in THIS economy?), and hand over a crisp $20 bill. Once I did that, she said I would “be undefeated and forever feared in the realm of college class registration.”
Honestly, I should have done this way back in freshman year! The whole ‘eyes turning black when I’m mad thing is whatever, and the constantly-whispering-voices-promising-me-more-demonic-power is no biggie either. I’ve had worse side effects from my juice cleanse! My official Yelp review will be up as soon as I can extinguish the eternal hellfire spark in my banned dorm candle, but if anyone is looking to lock in their perfect class schedule for next semester, I can 100% recommend my queen Bethesda!
