Rachel Cameron, a Columbia sophomore and EMT for Columbia University Emergency Medical Services (CUEMS), got a call on Thursday night to report to East Campus, 10th floor, to resuscitate an intoxicated patient. She was immediately on alert—she knew that floor all too well.
She reached the suite. She opened the door and found her ex-situationship from last semester who ghosted her. A true professional, she only giggled audibly once and then breathed life back into her old flame. He was delivered to Mount Sinai Morningside Heights within the hour and Cameron moved on with her shift and her evening.
The next day, however, several of her friends reported that her professionalism ended the next morning when she clocked out. She explained to her friends and really anyone who would listen on a coke rant Instagram live about the incident.
A few standout phrases that she repeated more than a few times include “messy ass sloppy drunk, I’d be embarrassed as fuck,” “bottles of pink whitney shooters all around him, the GAYBO,” “pasty ass fugly fucker needed me AGAIN,” “puked all over his ugly chode,” and “uncouth behavior from an uncouth motherfucker. Who’s fucking surprised? Whoopty fucking doo.”
HIPAA, somehow catching wind of this, temporarily suspended Cameron’s EMT license and mandated her to 30 hours of in-person New York State HIPAA training in Albany. In an interview with The Fed, Cameron said that she doesn’t regret what she did. “If they saw what he did to me last semester or how I had to use multiple solvents and homemade remedies just to scrub that revolting sticky vomit off his chode last week, they’d be telling a different story. If justice is my crime, lock my ass up, then!”
