In a thrilling development from John Jay Dining Hall, sources confirm that, in regards to Tuesday night’s fresh spinach artichoke flatbread, Columbia Dining went completely balls to the wall.
Several students reached out to The Federalist to confirm the rampant rumors that John Jay’s spin on the spinach artichoke flatbread was “all gas, no brakes,” went “full send,” and gave “zero fucks.” In an exclusive interview with The Fed, the architect behind the beast, Hugh Jibawlse, provided the following insight:
“We saw other spinach artichoke flatbreads, and we thought they were interesting, but they just weren’t brave enough to do what we did. We wanted a real in-your-face, full-throttle flatbread. We want you to be a little bit scared. I’m scooping on red peppers and artichoke hearts with no measurement and zero fear. I’m crafting a sizzling flatbread mountain that you pedestrian normies will never understand. I’m not afraid of what happens on that grill. When I’m going to town on that flatbread, I’m in a 100% flow state. No hesitation. No mercy. I just feed the motherfucking beast. And if that scares you, then we don’t want you. And you’re gonna hate what I’m about to do with this sticky ginger tempeh.”
The spinach artichoke flatbread is sure to be a recurring item, so find time to swing by Wilma’s Grill in John Jay Dining Hall if you’re looking to get your shit rocked.
