As if the baddies of Barnard College could not suffer enough, early this school year, residents of 620 W. 116th St. found themselves unable to boil their late-night ramen after the gas line was cut in the building. In response, 620 has gone full Hunger Games as students report sleepless nights due to thunderous stomach rumblings and rising numbers of missing residents. Some people suspect that students have even resorted to eating each other out of desperation.
One Barnard student living on campus told The Fed that her roommate visited a mutual friend in 620 and never came back. She explained, “My roommate threw on her jorts and left with her Book Culture tote in hand. When I ran into our 620 friend outside the gates later and asked where my roommate was, she said she ‘had no clue,’ but I thought I smelled a hint of my roommate’s Dossier cologne on her breath. Then, she waved goodbye, and I swear she was wearing my roommate’s favorite chunky ring that was thrifted from the Uptown Night Market.”
When The Fed asked about the search effort, the distressed student said, “I put up missing posters, but people kept asking me why I was looking for Megan Rapinoe.”If anyone knows anything about these disappearances, please contact anyone but Public Safety or CARES because everyone knows they don’t give a shit.
