It’s public knowledge that Columbia over-admitted the class of 2029. And yeah, we love our freshmen, with their blissful innocence, not yet having lost that new college student twinkle in their eye. However, we at The Fed guess CU didn’t count their chairs and tables before admitting this class, because if you thought Butler was crowded before, you should fucking see it now.
But don’t worry, dear reader! We’ve got you. Here are The Fed’s top 3 ultimate top secret underground study spots—shhhhhh!
3. Law Bridge: No, silly! Not the tables! Those will all be full by the time your lazy ass gets there. You know which swanky study spot will for sure be empty? The little pocket underneath the North stairs. This spacious, hidden study gem boasts HUGE amenities like a free place to sit (the ground), and an opportunity to connect in community with your fellow New Yorkers (rats and cockroaches).
2. The single stall bathrooms in Wallach: Not a freshman? Not a problem! It turns out that Wallach has these awesome EXTRA ROOMS on every floor, complete with a lock on the door and—most importantly—a free and open seat. Oh, and if you hear frantic knocking, just ignore it, old pipes! John Jay has these too, but for your own good, don’t go in there. Just don’t.
1. The BEST study spot that NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT: NYU. You might be saying “what’s NYU?” Well, apparently there’s ANOTHER UNIVERSITY IN NEW YORK and they have a library that YOU can use. Sure it’s a bit of a haul, but it’s totally worth it, because it’s fucking EMPTY in there. Overstimulated by Butler? Bored with Avery? Wtf even is Milstein. Go to NYU! Literally nobody is there! Nobody!
We hope this helps, and godspeed.
PS: Keep an eye out for more awesome tips on living in this over-admitted age, like did you know people just leave their food at their tables unattended? Crowded dining hall? Take that shit!
