Ever worried that your twentypage paper on feminist intuition or that obnoxious line at the mail room will prevent you from maintaining your lavish bush?
Well, fear no longer!
Millie the Dancing Bear has just announced her new program, Taming the Thicket, in celebration of LeFreak‘s first year as Barnard’s orgy hub.
Whether you’re a fretful first-year navigating that notorious bramble down under or a proud Barnard baddie who has emerged unbeaten from the forest, Millie has a class for you! Each session Millie offers hands-on demonstrations (made easily accessible by her lack of bottoms), complimentary tiktok shop electric razors, and rapid hair growth serum to continue practicing on yourself and friends!
And fret not! Millie knows not all bushes are the same. Taming the Thicket hopes to maintain Barnard’s liberal arts philosophy, as all classes invoke an intersectional lens on the needs of every bush, zen garden, nether fleece, forest ecosystem, pubic palace, junk gymnasium, fur factory, or botanical enclosure.
Want an introductory course? Look no further than “Art of the Scissor”. Maybe you have more of a green thumb? Workshop with Millie in unconventional vag designs to receive your license in cosmetology. Or even if you’re looking to fill your MW 2:40-3:55 class slot. Don’t hesitate to register with Barnard’s history department in, “Hedge History: Self-expression and Cultural Allegories in Vaginal Performativity”.
Registration starts next week—spots are limited, but your bush deserves it.
