Another mystery of faith solved! Through divine revelation, God has delivered to Pope Leo XIV new Catholic doctrine:…

As an exciting new season approaches, beloved coffee chain Joe Coffee has decided to venture into innovative new…

We all know the infamous Butler Library architrave—engraved with the names of dead, white dudes who chiseled the…

In a move intended to provide jobs to those most in need, mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani has announced that…

Santa Claus has recently been accused by United Elf Workers, one of the North Pole’s largest labor unions,…

More than 400 Columbia students enter the hallowed halls of Chef Mike’s each day. And at least one…

For decades, the NORAD Santa Tracker has embodied the transparency and honesty of the United States government. Initially,…

When I found a pair of wire-framed glasses on the floor of JJ’s last Thursday night, I knew…

On the twelfth day of Christmas my situationship gave to me: Twelve IDs tapping, Eleven JJs nuggets, Ten…

TRAGIC — A recent investigation by The Fed has revealed the emotionally devastating story of a Philadelphia-born Columbia…

In a shocking divulgence this Saturday, a man wearing exclusively clothing branded with the Columbia wrestling logo revealed…

On election night, New Yorkers rejoiced in the victory of Democratic candidate Zohran Mamdani as the city’s next…

It’s no secret that Columbia security has a stick up their ass. If you’re a resident of New…

I truly can’t wait for my suite’s traditional Secret Santa. My roommates and I do it all together…

Can’t bear the lunchtime chaos? Skip the line and buy a table instead! Inspired by the hottest NYC…

Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican nominee and local icon Curtis Sliwa…

In the wake of myriad changes to the government and general functioning of the nation made by the…

‘Twas the night before my midterm, when all through the floor The athletes were stirring, those terrible whores….

The Department of Public Safety was informed that on Friday, December 5th, 2025, at approximately 11:30 p.m., a…

In a new report coming out from the Columbia Economics Department, Professor Monet Talks demonstrates that the Lerner…

As a child, I interpreted the novel From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler as my…

As of this morning, Columbia Safety has warned students about ICE on Columbia’s Morningside Campus. Students are advised…

After dismounting from their camels and waiting in a gaggle of Barnard students, the three wise men finally…

This week, major firms including JPMorganChase, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley have begun their full-time hiring process for…

Columbia junior Hugh Jaddict has quite the reputation, but it certainly isn’t due to his work ethic. That’s…

Carlton Arms Dormitory has been seeing a recent spike in false-alarm activation of the Fire Safety System due…

I _______________________ do hereby agree to be friends with __________________________.  In signing this document, each friend agrees: I…

Continuing their multi-year saga of controversial decisions, Columbia’s administration has recently announced that their famed merch store will,…

Following their mandated reading of the Sparknotes for Homer’s Iliad in their LitHum classes, several freshmen have found…

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamt of working at [large corporation] in [large city]. I’d…

After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the fate of Columbia’s annual tree-lighting ceremony…

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In a bold display of transparency, Columbia University announced that next year’s tuition hike will go directly toward…

Dear Mister,  I hope you are having a good study session…at the expense of everyone else in this…

We know you guys care a lot about what you put inside your body. That’s why the team…