“Can I get my sandwich… Mike’s way? 🥴”
Chef Mike’s, a classic sub shop, has seen an unexpected surge in popularity following reports of the Chef’s special sauces titillating tongues across campus.
“The meat is always tender and Mike makes sure his sauce reaches every inch of the sandwich,” said one satisfied student. “Once you’ve had it his way, it’s hard… to go back.”
In a public statement, Chef announced: “I make sandwiches. If you want extra meat, say extra meat. If you want extra mayo, say extra mayo. Please stop asking me to have ‘my way’ with your sandwiches. You’re confusing me with my more famous brother, Jersey.”
Chef also denied offering any off menu services and pleaded with students to stop leaning over the counter and whispering, “Surprise me.”
Columbia Dining announced the closure after forming a committee to investigate the mass misconduct at Chef Mike’s. According to the committee’s report, the restaurant failed to maintain “appropriate boundaries between customer service and customer satisfaction.”
The report also found that Chef Mike’s had dispensed more napkins in three days than it had in the entire previous year. Citing mounting discomfort among employees and an alarming number of students asking for “just a little bit more sauce,” the committee has advised that the restaurant shut its doors indefinitely.
In response, the newly formed coalition of Diners Insisting on Lunch Freedom has been circulating a petition arguing that the closure unfairly punished the restaurant for “culinary creativity.” Organizers have planned a demonstration outside the restaurant under the slogan “My Sandwich, Mike’s Choice.”
We at The Fed say: Let Mike serve.
