“Being at this institution for four long years you start to believe that all annoying people are liberals. You know, like gay and stuff,” said Imnot Closeted, CC ‘26. “So last night at dinner it was so refreshing when I sat down next to three athletes, you know jacked guys with really big arms, and overheard them spewing the classic ignorance and misogyny that is just typically missing from this campus.”
When pressed about what these comments were, Closeted replied, “well they discussed the location of the nation of Honduras. One guy said it was in Asia, one said Africa, before a third guy said ‘boys my grandparents are from Honduras, it’s South America’. The ignorance was beautiful. They didn’t know and more importantly, like real Americans, they didn’t care. Even the ethnically Honduran one, with his glistening tan skin, had assimilated into America the way God intended.”
“Don’t forget the misogyny though,” Closeted continued, “they had the same academic advisor, some uptight woman. So the two of them seated closer to me pointed to the one on the other side of the table and asked: ‘Kyle, what does she need?’” After a bad-ass drumroll, Kyle called out: ‘Some of that vitamin D!’ It put a huge smile on my face and really restored balance to my experience at this school.”
