In a shocking divulgence this Saturday, a man wearing exclusively clothing branded with the Columbia wrestling logo revealed that he indeed wrestles for Columbia. “I’m actually on the wrestling team,” said freshman Matt Slammer, solving the mystery behind why he was sporting so much of the team’s merch.
“I was trying to get a read on this guy,” said passerby Ken Fughst. “He’s a 5’10” guy with a crew cut. He’s wearing a Columbia wrestling sweatshirt and Columbia wrestling sweatpants, which are tucked into his socks. He’s carrying a shaker bottle, and he’s the single most muscular man I’ve ever seen. What’s his deal?” Fughst was thankful that Slammer disclosed this vital piece of information. “Thank God, I could not for the life of me figure out what his extracurriculars were. Glad that’s settled.” Fughst has now set his sights on determining what after-school activities a geek with a Spec sweatshirt might be involved in.
