In a new report coming out from the Columbia Economics Department, Professor Monet Talks demonstrates that the Lerner revolving door on 115th Street is a site of the prisoner’s dilemma, a cornerstone of game theory. “The set-up is elementary, as any patron of the revolving door knows,” Professor Talks told The Fed. “Individual A entering Lerner and Individual B exiting Lerner each have an option: they can either follow the 1:1 enter/exit pattern or they can disrupt the pattern and unleash a free-for-all scenario with dangerous implications.”
Over the course of three months, Professor Talks observed people navigating the revolving door, noting the various interactions that occurred as they passed through. She found the instances when lines had formed on both sides were “especially enlightening” in regards to understanding the economic basis for decisions people make in public spaces. “When people follow the pattern of one person entering and one person exiting, the entire process moves very smoothly,” she said. “However, when someone in Line A breaks this pattern, Line B becomes completely disadvantaged. It becomes close to impossible to prevent the flood of Line A through the revolving door while Line B waits helplessly for an authority to reestablish equilibrium, typically an Allied Universal guard who couldn’t care less. The fragile trust that was built between these two lines is broken, and we enter a kind of Lord-of-the-Flies state of chaos, confusion, and occasionally, violence.” The Fed has independently determined that there have been three incidents as a result of Lerner revolving door altercations that have warranted CPR.
Professor Talks told The Fed about one “particularly disturbing” observation, in which a student had swiped to enter the revolving door, but another individual decided to exit through it at the same time. “The first student had had her swipe wasted and was unable to tap in again to enter. All the other person could offer her was a shrug of sympathy.” Professor Talks sniffled before continuing, “This poor student was forced to use the Columbia main gates. I can think of no worse fate. Every day I regret not doing anything to stop that terrible incident from happening. I hope she’s doing alright.” Professor Talks is currently developing a curriculum based off of her research for the class [ECON-BC3210] Revolving Door Dynamics and the Collapse of Civilization being taught next spring.
