After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the fate of Columbia’s annual tree-lighting ceremony has been uncertain. That is, until Interim President Shipman announced a new tradition to replace the tree lighting—-the first annual Columbia University Constitution Lighting Ceremony.
Students are invited to come to College Walk to watch hundreds of copies of the Constitution be lit aflame. “This is a celebration of what makes Columbia so special,” Shipman said in the announcement, “our blatant disregard for precedented liberties that other universities seem to care so much about.” The administration intends to play a “highlight reel” of some of the greatest moments of defiance to the Constitution. Among these instances are Columbia and Barnard getting coming in dead last and second dead last in in the college free speech rankings, Columbia’s complacency in the face of unconstitutionally kidnapped students, and the hefty donations we’ve made to a President who said he did not know whether or not he had to uphold the Constitution.
Shipman is scheduled to lead a guided breathing exercise during the ceremony, in which students will raise their flaming Constitutions high in the air, visualize all their rights and liberties that they hold dear, and let them all crumble into ash. Hot chocolate will be available to those with a valid CUID.
